walk or crawl?
After a few years of enduring a desert season, I wonder if I could believe again. How will I find my way after feeling so lost? Then, I come across a journal entry – a letter actually – that I wrote to myself for encouragement. It reminds me of the faith I once had and am humbled. It reads:
Hey J. Thomas,
I heard that you were feeling spiritually dry. I want you to know that I've been there myself and understand exactly how that feels. I know you may be feeling pretty down on yourself, thinking that it's something that you did, or something that you're not doing that is causing this break in your feeling close to God. I want to encourage you, and I want you to know that this life is not about what you did or didn't do. But this life is about what God has done. And the very purpose of this season of spiritual dryness is so that you would not focus on yourself but that you would focus on God alone. I say it's a season because I know that it will pass, like all seasons do. It's not a matter of if but when. I also say season because we can't do anything to affect the seasons. Seasons are something that God brings us into, and they are something that He leads us out of.
I’ve been there myself and know exactly how that feels…
I want to encourage you…
Why call it a “season” of spiritual dryness?
It’s not about something I did.
It’s not about something I didn’t do.
God leads me into a season.
God leads me out of a season.
There is nothing I can do to affect the seasons.
Seasons eventually pass.
After reading through this letter, I believe again – believe the truth of the words that I wrote and believe in a faithful God even though I could not feel Him anymore. I’ve experienced these dry times before, and God brought me through each one, and in the process, revealing to me something about his nature and purpose for my life. Through this letter, God encourages me and calls me to develop a deeper relationship with Him, a relationship that is not based on circumstances, atmosphere, or emotions.
What is the purpose of the desert season?
I continue to persevere in my search to find meaning and purpose of these desert seasons. I am spurred on and encouraged when I find an article written by Francis MacNutt who captures the essence of what I believe to be true. One section of the article “Spiritual Dryness: A Call to Go Deeper” reads:
If you are discouraged in your faith, this is meant to encourage you. You need to know that there is a kind of discouragement that God allows so that you can grow in intimacy with Him. These times of discouragement are described by such authors as St. John of the Cross, as Dark Nights. They are referred to as dark, not because they are evil, but because during them, we can’t see or understand what’s going on. We feel spiritually lost and the path is obscure.
Why do I feel so miserable and lost now, when I felt so wonderful about my Christian walk a year ago? I’m going backwards. Then we are tempted to give up or tone down our Christian commitment. It’s not enjoyable any more. That’s why it’s so important for us to understand what is really happening. God is calling us to come deeper into His life. The problem is that just when we are about to move forward in faith, we feel like we are going backward, so we quit.
Spiritual dryness is a call to draw closer to God.
Walk or crawl?
Well, I was not going to quit and fortunately, this letter to myself was not just a reminder of my faith in God, but it was a good wake up call and motivator showing me the next steps to take:
You basically have two choices now, J. Thomas. You can continue to focus on yourself and on what you did wrong, and what you need to be doing better, which is the equivalent of just crawling through this time or you can focus on what God's purpose is, His reasons for this desert time and what He’s going to accomplish. And that's walking through this season – and when we walk you might even find yourself enjoying this desert time even loving it because of what God is doing.
To love the desert season – that was my aim and goal. There may be nothing I can do to affect the seasons or in the least bit make it come a few days sooner, but one thing I could control was my attitude. I was going to persevere, determined to focus on God’s purpose for me. This new found strength reminded me of one of the first things that I learned as a young Christian – to rise each time I fall. As a teenager, I began to notice a pattern in my life of spiritual highs and lows, feelings of joy and sorrow, victories and defeats. I once asked my youth pastor how I was to respond each of those times that I felt distant from God, committed some sin, or had failed to pray or read my Bible for months at a time. He answered by saying, “a wise man falls seven times, and a wise man gets up seven times. He continued, “I know you desire consistency in your walk with God, and God will give you that consistency. But right now, he’s building in you a resilient and persevering spirit that won’t ever give up. Remember that for every time we fall or deny God, he restores us every time when we come to Him. It doesn’t matter whether it’s been weeks, months or even years. He restores us every time we come to Him. Never quit going to God.”
Crawling: Focusing on yourself.
Walking: Focusing on God’s purpose.
God has a purpose for allowing us to go through seasons of spiritual dryness. I’ve heard them before in one form or another during my lifetime, but it never had an impact. The key for God’s purposes to have meaning for me was when God revealed his nature of sustaining grace to me.
Observation - will God forgive each failure?
Understanding - how does this change your motivation?
Application - what is one thing I can do today?
